I need to remember this.

The door slammed shut and I was surprised to see you.
Its almost Christmas holiday and weren't you suppose to go off for a holiday, Your Xcellency?

"Damnit!" As you began to pour misery to me, while I welcome it with wide arms open.
Misery loves company, and if you're misery, I'll forever be a hell nocturnal sun of a gun for you.

"Thing is, I can't go back home!"

It didn't start out so well.
You drank the whole scotch and began to trash my condo.
Something about work, about your life, everything about love, about loneliness.
As I sat there, helpless I couldn't help but feel a little hurt that none of me is mentioned.
And then you wounded yourself.

I hate my impulsive reaction, or stupidity had me thinking you were really intoxicated, when I took the broken glass out from your finger, I put your fingers in between my lips, ready to suck out the blood and I wasn't even ready for your reaction when your slap left me dazed and shock in embarassment.

After that you didn't utter a word while I cursed myself with everything worth of damnation.
I lay limp on my bed thinking that this could be the last I'll see you.
Thinking if you're ok next door, sleeping or still in anger.

Yeah babe, you're quite a monster when you're mad.
I'll love you anyway.

Then the soft knock on my bedroom door.

"Its not funny and you're not Edward".
"Sorry".
"No, I am. But you don't have to be the angel to a mad dog, you know".
"You're not a mad dog".
"Tell me, what do you think of me?"
"You're upset"
"No. To you, who am I?"

"You're beautiful".
"What?"
"You're crazy".
"Maybe I am"
"Hah!".
"And I love you".

"Oh".
"Oh what".
"I'm sorry"
"For what?"
"I don't know. This is not right, right?".
"Yes. Its not right, but I won't make it wrong."
"But can a kiss hurt?"


And then that's that.

unconditional lie

I have to be with you to breathe.
I think I've never been so foolishly in love like this before.

While in the car, you paused my CD changer.

"Tak nak la lagu bising-bising".

And you played your music selection. Some love song.

I told you "would it be nice if the one I like give this song to me"
And you said "I won't do that. I'll play it to the person I like myself"

Like what you're doing to me.
Like what you're doing.

"Its getting late, do you want to stay over?"

I couldn't say yes, but I wanted to.
I'll love you, and I'll protect you like a child.
No matter what.
I'll love you unconditionally.

Lies.
Whatever it takes to have you by my side.
Even when I can't have you.

The eclipse overture

I must be drunk when I wrote the last post.
If this drunkenness state makes me fall in love every other day, I must be constantly drunk.
Silly. For I am dead and gone for The Highness. Vice versa.

Because when i'm sober the highness is just a passable memory, sweet but easily forgiven.
Guilt must have made me sought for the Highness, but that was it.
I love, loved and always will be in love.

Now there is someone new to be excited about.
i'm forever guilty to the Ring Bearer, but this time the eclipse has taken over me.

And I'm rightly sober.
I'm just mad, but not drunk this time.

World, meet X.
Why X?
Because X connotes everything there is. X is wrong but still its it marked when you're filling your options. But then again, its a clue for all you outthere....

I can't for the life of me wake up without your smile in my fucked up head.
And I'm drowned and pulled to you more than I think I would.
I have no strength left and I don't want to be helped.

I thought this would be a temporal fling, like to L, but it has been almost a month, and i've been putting everyone off to spend my time with X. To be with X.

This calls for something deep.

I know its wrong, its not gonna work, its against my own faith to what I believed in, but can't love just survive on its own?
Smile, and my heart is full with content.

That is all I ask for.
I love you, and I ask nothing in return.